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Ever wonder why "whining" and toddler tantrums are becoming an epidemic in our schools, our homes, and in our culture? It is easy to understand, when you imagine yourself in this position:
You are in line at the grocery store, with a dozen people surrounding you. You threaten your daughter that she would get nothing, if she started whining. You have almost made it...the door is in site!But then it begins...she sees the chocolate bar, and this reminds her that you said "no" when she asked for the chocolate milk. She starts in... "Mommy, I want my chocolate milk."
You say, "No. I told you we aren't getting chocolate milk every time we go to the store."She says, "But Mom...I really want chocolate milk. Why are you so mean to me?You say something like... "Look here. If you think this is mean, you haven't seen mean yet. So just shush...and we can go home and play outside before dark."
She says, "I don't want to play if I don't get my chocolate milk. Please.... Pleassssseeee... Plesssssseeee Mommmmmmmyyyyyyyy." By now, her voice is very loud. You are embarrassed, frustrated and know that you shouldn't give in.
Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. So, Why Does My Child Whine When I Tell Them To Stop?
If your family is a reasonably happy family with lots of opportunities to grow, loving members, and a good purchasing power, then there should not be much to complain for your child. Your child's room is brimming with toys, you have enrolled your child in a good school, and you are ready to give your support to your child, yet he or she complains. What is the problem?
The problem is that your kid has a distortion of reality. They are focused on just a small part of their experience in life. This focus on the small part where they don't get what they want is really a toxic poison...because their reality if filled with many, many moments when they are getting everything a child could want.
If whining continues, the perspective taken is one that selectively finds where there is "lack" in the world...and consistently ignores where there is abundant resources, safety, comfort, entertainment, food, water, electricity, etc. All of these are quickly taken for granted as givens...and the focus on what's missing leads to unhappiness, disappointment and negativity...all based upon a distorted reality.
It is no use telling your kid to stop whining, or negotiating, or rescuing them from their sadness. They will whine more than ever.
Have you noticed this? You correct them...and a few minutes later...the whining is back, but louder and stronger.If your words worked to stop whining, I would be out of business! It's true! Your words will never get the whining to stop.You know that this is true...because you have tried all the words you can.
Whining Is Not Built on Reality Based Needs
So instead, you need action. What kinds of action? Do the opposite of arguing, fighting or negotiating with the whining. The catch here is to become action-oriented rather than complaining yourself about your child's habit!However, do not expect the habit to vanish in a day's time. But you can change your pattern of responding, and do the opposite of what you have done so far...FEEDING IT! As long as you feed it with your attention...the whining will definitely grow.
You have to have a lot of patience for this. At times, you might even be tempted to rescue your kid from the web of whine. However, do not commit this mistake. If you pay attention to your kid's whining all the time, he or she will perceive that the world cares about the whining.
It's NOT TRUE.
The healthy world will not invest in their whining. This approach will get you started. The road ahead is a tough one, as you begin to use your parenting power in a different way. Change is not instant. Don't expect that. Instead, expect that your child will resist, and you must be prepared to remember this article, and the foundation upon which the whine is built!
Giving in is bad. We know that right. But guess what? Either way you are going to lose... if this type of conversation continues. You will grow a "whiner" regardless of your buying the chocolate or not! And it can truly drive you crazy! It can drive us all crazy! So, let's try to understand why kids whine. This will point you to the solution!
Do not take this habit lightly. Understand the reasons as well as cons of such a behavior. Learn how to deal with toddler tantrums and whining now.
Do you want to know why your child is whining and how to stop toddler tantrums? If you are, then you can learn from Dr. Randy Cale. Dr. Randy L. Cale is a licensed psychologist and offers parental coaching on how to stop toddler tantrums.
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